I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
