Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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