Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
