bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
