He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
