dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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