Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
