So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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