So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
