Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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