my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
