i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
