Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
