can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
