Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
