Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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