I'd wear matching sweaters with you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you didnt know i had herpes?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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