so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
