I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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