i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
