I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
