I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
