he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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