we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
