you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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