im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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