Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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