So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
