I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and she was petting her beer can
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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