My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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