Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
