Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
