Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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