Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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