The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
