Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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