Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
