It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
