brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
