How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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