I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
