I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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