that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
