At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
