This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
