i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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