i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
