we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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