The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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