ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
