24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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