Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
