Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
