I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They have beer where we have blood.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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