Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
