I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
