My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
